No Palm Springs

"Camilla" did not get in to the Palm Springs Film Festival. I found out this morning, not from an email like Sundance sent out, but just by looking at their site which finally, finally posted their slate, two weeks before their first day.

We knew it was a long shot. It's just being tough around here this holiday. Aunt Jocey, Mom's beloved sister, died Nov. 18, and that is a huge blow. And yesterday Kit Gifford, Janet's Mom, died with Janet at her side in Hawaii. Kit was known as my "O.M." (Other Mother), very dear to my heart. Bless Janet...

Mom's health is in Maintenance Mode, we are waiting to hear more in a month, but for now she feels great.

I have been having Further Health Challenges. Nothing defined yet, just general yuck. Edema (new symptom), plus my usual huge fatigue and brain fog, with high pain levels. Looking more into that in the New Year.

Tallis is home for Christmas (huzzah!) but tragically, quite allergic to our cats. He wasn't when he lived here, but cumulatively has been getting worse and worse each visit home. He has been hiding out in his bedroom since getting here Saturday, and not coming in to the main part of the house much. Which hurts; we miss him so much and have not seen him since August. So discussions are in order for us to either: move, to a house where the cats could be contained, or (and this grieves me much to consider) either give the cats away or give most of them away.

It is very hard for me, when they are the only beings who are reliably cuddly in our house *grin*. I am used to writing with my beloved Smee on my lap. But Tallis cannot suffer like this. We want him to LIKE coming home, and to do it frequently and with good, healthy air quality. I am trying to imagine what it would be like going to my Mom's house if she had dogs...*shudder*. Slurp City.

Anyway, I am fighting the glums this holiday, which is probably mostly physical.

Many more people have many worse troubles than we do. I am just going through one of those phases where I cry a lot. It happens.

In the "good news" side of things, Ben and Larry and I finished the Final Festival Cut of the film Wednesday, cutting it from 119 minutes to 117. Losing two minutes at this stage is painful, but very good for the flow of the movie. This cut took us three test screenings, much tweaking of special effects, and a lot of discussion to achieve, but we are proud of it. In early January we finish the sound edit, then we can send out a truly finished version, rather than the "only mostly finished" one we have been sending out.

So. May we all celebrate the birth of Joy this season, and may peace come to our hearts and minds and bodies. I am praying for patience, and to embrace the timing God has for this film, rather than my own agenda. It took a long year to do post-production on this project, with very little else on my plate, and maybe that is a good thing.

God bless us, every one.

As Expected, No Sundance. Still is very very hard.

RE: 7911-UNF - Camilla Dickinson

Dear Cornelia,

On behalf of the Sundance Programming staff, I would like to thank you for submitting your film to the 2012 Sundance Film Festival. Unfortunately, we are not able to include it in our Festival program. We received more than 11,700 films for consideration this year, which obviously did not make our decision-making process any easier. We selected less than 180 films from around the globe, so the competition was stiff to say the least. Please know that your film was carefully considered by our team, and we truly respect your hard work and dedication as an independent filmmaker. We wish you the best of luck with the project and look forward to the opportunity to view your work in the future.


Sincerely,


John Cooper
Director, Sundance Film Festival

Tenterhooks

Like most of the other filmmakers in the world who finished a film this year, I am on serious tenterhooks, and in a process of enormous prayer and attempted releasing of worry. Sundance and Palm Springs traditionally begin to inform the first, luckiest filmmakers of their invitations right after Thanksgiving.

November is a very tense month.

I know the chances are infinitesimal. We are not "Edgy". But, like everyone, my heart hopes.

God, may your will be done. May your timing for this film prevail.

*goes back to mentally pacing like a tiger...*

We submitted to Newport Beach last week. So, three possibles out there. This time I am only submitting to the ones Larry tells me to.

Hope springs eternal...

Submission Two: Palm Springs

Our second submission, to Palm Springs, is sent, and that feels good. We screened five minutes of "Camilla Dickinson" last night at the Women in Film meeting and there were audible gasps *happy grin*. Bless Sue Corcoran for asking me to be on the panel, it was a great evening of stories.

Larry and I continue to plan more test screenings for "Camilla Dickinson".

I am partway through casting for my dear friend Jeremy's short "While You Weren't Looking."

I am also working on a screenplay of mine that needs another polish.

Also I am getting back to work again with my editor friend Nathan Singleton on my documentary "Hairstory".

I am over at my Mom's house for work hours most days now. Today we are sorting seeds for her Seed Exchange.

Life is quieter but that is fine right now!

Shipped to the Big "S"

Today with much prayer, Larry (on the phone from Arizona) and I filled out our Sundance Film Festival application and I sent the DvD UPS. What a day. What a moment.

Now we, and the many, many thousands of other filmmakers hoping to premiere there, wait and pray.

Of course we also submit to select other festivals, because the chances of getting into Sundance are ridiculously low, especially as we are not "edgy" (not very many animal mutilations or ritual suicides, for example). But, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

It is a big day in the Moore house. I made apple crumble for dessert (I rarely bake, lol) and we are having a homey evening before Terry goes off to work at 8:20 for his "Eleven o' Clock role" in "Mary Stuart" at ACT.

Now comes the final tweaking section of the film's Post-Production, in which we really finalize things.

Also now comes the discernment time for me, I have by the grace of God been offered three projects to pray about doing, one as a producer, one as a writer, and another one that is sort of an "Everything" one like "Camilla" was.

I am praying to be led to the proper place and time.

And for a wee break! I just want to sleep and sleeeep....

Double PPD

Tonight my (19-nearly-20-year-old) baby flew off to college again, saying once again that he won't be home at Thanksgiving because it is too much plane flying for one weekend with us, and he hates flying. Freaking Massachusetts! So we won't see him till Christmas.

I have been keening and crying for an hour, as I washed the dishes and began to nervously tackle cleaning my frighteningly-cluttered house at 3 am. They just do not prepare you for this in parenting manuals. He left me his childhood photo albums to keep for him because he doesn't want them at college, and because he is (oh help me God) moving out of his childhood bedroom, as his little brother is 13 and wants to take it over. Even fewer reasons to come home, now that his old room will be gone. He says he doesn't care, but please. Part of him has to.

So I have been looking at pictures of him in his Kindergarten years, when I was, shall we say, significantly more important in his life. And keening as I look.

It is not fair that his last week with us after his long summer acting situation was filled with me crazily trying to finish "Camilla" and hardly ever having any time to be home, and Terry in a show. Tallis, bless his generous heart, has done a great deal of caretaking of his cabin-fevered brother, who's been on restriction and unable to be on the net more than an hour a day. Today, Terry's and my only real day off, we all went up to Snoqualmie, ate at the Salish, and walked a trail, which was beautiful and loving, but also typically upsetting, as we tried to keep his little brother entertained and vaguely level.

I am floored by the sudden lack of an intense focus now that my film post-production is wrapped, combined with the SECOND time my eldest cheerfully went off to "not think about us at home" for many months, which is exactly what he should be doing.

It doesn't get easier when they go the second time. I sat on the couch next to him in the hour before he left, and as I did, tears just fell silently down my cheeks until he noticed and said "Aww" softly. His precious self sitting right next to me, with maybe not a lot of that in the future; it just tore me.

And tomorrow I have to figure out what to do now. Several people want me to do several things, some creative, and I just want to crawl into my bed and go fetal for a week.

Now Krevlorneswath of the Death Wok Clan is licking my arm. Cats are excellent. And nearly-finished movies are too. And it is a good thing to have a brilliant Sophomore in college already knowing that he is doing three plays this year there. And I should just be proud of him, not complain.

But I am hollow. Like a lot of middleaged mothers are, this time of year.

Sigh. God bless us, every one.

Last Week of Post ... I Think... Maybe...

In the sound mix today at Bad Animals. A very intense last week with Larry and me needing to be in three studios at the same time. I was completely and joyfully satisfied with the music in every way, I just love it. I loved watching B.C. record the music with members of the Seattle Symphony, and then mixing it. Very very happy with all things involving music. There are other things that are completely upsetting and worrisome, that I can't talk about. But let us just say that I swallow hard many times a day to avoid letting my emotions show. Larry is kind of holding me together now and then.

He keeps saying "this is the FESTIVAL submission." Implying that there will be another chance. Well, but will there be any more money for another chance past Friday?

Yet undetermined. I am sweating bullets and not sleeping much. Eating too much like I do in stressful times. Tender at home and susceptible to any...irritations, let us say.

Saturday morning I bopped over to PAX to watch the "JourneyQuest" screening and then zipped back to the studio, courtesy of Larry-the-occasional-taxi-driver.

Color correcting, doing ADR, mixing sound, and praying constantly not to blow it on what may be my last chance at this after so many years. Looking up at the actors on the screens in the studios with grateful love. Thanking God to have Larry here beside me, who is doing his level best to calm me the HECK down several times a day. And to have so many artists doing such fine work at Modern Digital, Bad Animals, and Studio X.

Quote from the New Zealand Prayer Book: "Lord, it is night after a long day. What has been done has been done. What has not been done has not been done. Let it be."

Wise words. So hard to live into. Doing my best.

Dear God, thank you for this opportunity. Please help me not to blow it. Thank you for sending your angels to save us from bad mistakes.

We didn't get in.

They did not write or call of course; my wonderful First A.D. said "check the website" finally today.

So . . . setting our sites for Sundance *enormous gulp* where they like the movies very "edgy" . . .

Tough day. Off to L.A. in an hour to go do ADR with three of the actors. Will be there three days.

I know there is a plan . . .

Still have not heard from Toronto . . .

.......

Prayers for Completion

It's been many moons . . .

I am utterly buried in the endgame of "Camilla Dickinson: post-production, while also finishing up the "Dark Horse" deliverables, and, as of this writing, Ben and the ZOE/DG team are in Indianapolis selling lots of "JourneyQuest" DvDs at Gen Con:)

Lots going on!

I do believe that my great new editor Nathan Singleton and I finally finished the Making Of the Dark Horse featurettes today, which gives everyone a huge sigh of relief, as the distributor has been waiting for them. Larry and I just got back from L.A. where we did the ADR for Camilla's voiceovers (Adelaide Clemens knocked them out of the park) and met with B.C. Smith, our composer, for a spotting session (he is a genius!!), as well as having lunch with Sean Gaffney on the WB lot, always a great pleasure. Larry and I did a great many miles of sunny freeway driving, but playing the Talking Heads on the Ipod helped us to boogie.

Larry and I are going back down next week for the multi-cast-member looping session for several days of work.

I am also proofing the special effects shots that Modern Digital and North By Northwest are doing, and so far they look amazing thank God! And yesterday we were in the studio at Bad Animals mixing in the narration - Larry said he liked it very much. PHEW!

In addition there are many parties right now, as it is birthday season for our family and heartfriends: Mom and Aunt Jocey the 4th, Elizabeth the 6th, Theo's Happy Adoption Day the 7th, Sky the 9th, Terry the 11th, and me the 18th. Phew! Terry and Scott and Pam and I just got done with a remarkable Kindlingsfest with Dick Staub, Michael Card, Jerry Root, Jeff Keus, Karin Stephens, Eric Metaxis, and of course the usual other suspects Nigel Goodwin, Jeff Johnson, and a host of happy veterans.

I am on tenterhooks to hear from the Toronto International Film Festival - they were supposed to tell us today . . . that is why we are nearly killing ourselves trying to finish on time to be able to screen there in September. If they don't take us we wait and submit a completed movie in September to Sundance with many prayers.

I have not written because I have been buried at various studios in various towns, but I wanted to request your prayers and good thoughts please, as we are in the final push now, and it is very stressful and tense. If the timing is not exactly right in the interlacing of the work of the various studios we are kind of sunk. I am having the usual tiredness and etc., so .. yeah.

Larry Estes is a rock, a joy, and a constant and uplifting blessing to me. I could not ask for a better business partner. Please pray for his sanity because he has to work with me *grin*, also that he can figure out how to interweave his various lives - his "day job" as a college professor ostensibly begins soon . . .

It is a joy to see our dreams coming true. And it is costly as everything is. And there are challenges and things thrown up in the road before us. But I have faith, especially when Larry tells me to. Praying to make the movie that God wants, and that Madeleine would have wanted, as I have prayed for years. Praying to be worthy of the task.