Shipped to the Big "S"

Today with much prayer, Larry (on the phone from Arizona) and I filled out our Sundance Film Festival application and I sent the DvD UPS. What a day. What a moment.

Now we, and the many, many thousands of other filmmakers hoping to premiere there, wait and pray.

Of course we also submit to select other festivals, because the chances of getting into Sundance are ridiculously low, especially as we are not "edgy" (not very many animal mutilations or ritual suicides, for example). But, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

It is a big day in the Moore house. I made apple crumble for dessert (I rarely bake, lol) and we are having a homey evening before Terry goes off to work at 8:20 for his "Eleven o' Clock role" in "Mary Stuart" at ACT.

Now comes the final tweaking section of the film's Post-Production, in which we really finalize things.

Also now comes the discernment time for me, I have by the grace of God been offered three projects to pray about doing, one as a producer, one as a writer, and another one that is sort of an "Everything" one like "Camilla" was.

I am praying to be led to the proper place and time.

And for a wee break! I just want to sleep and sleeeep....

Double PPD

Tonight my (19-nearly-20-year-old) baby flew off to college again, saying once again that he won't be home at Thanksgiving because it is too much plane flying for one weekend with us, and he hates flying. Freaking Massachusetts! So we won't see him till Christmas.

I have been keening and crying for an hour, as I washed the dishes and began to nervously tackle cleaning my frighteningly-cluttered house at 3 am. They just do not prepare you for this in parenting manuals. He left me his childhood photo albums to keep for him because he doesn't want them at college, and because he is (oh help me God) moving out of his childhood bedroom, as his little brother is 13 and wants to take it over. Even fewer reasons to come home, now that his old room will be gone. He says he doesn't care, but please. Part of him has to.

So I have been looking at pictures of him in his Kindergarten years, when I was, shall we say, significantly more important in his life. And keening as I look.

It is not fair that his last week with us after his long summer acting situation was filled with me crazily trying to finish "Camilla" and hardly ever having any time to be home, and Terry in a show. Tallis, bless his generous heart, has done a great deal of caretaking of his cabin-fevered brother, who's been on restriction and unable to be on the net more than an hour a day. Today, Terry's and my only real day off, we all went up to Snoqualmie, ate at the Salish, and walked a trail, which was beautiful and loving, but also typically upsetting, as we tried to keep his little brother entertained and vaguely level.

I am floored by the sudden lack of an intense focus now that my film post-production is wrapped, combined with the SECOND time my eldest cheerfully went off to "not think about us at home" for many months, which is exactly what he should be doing.

It doesn't get easier when they go the second time. I sat on the couch next to him in the hour before he left, and as I did, tears just fell silently down my cheeks until he noticed and said "Aww" softly. His precious self sitting right next to me, with maybe not a lot of that in the future; it just tore me.

And tomorrow I have to figure out what to do now. Several people want me to do several things, some creative, and I just want to crawl into my bed and go fetal for a week.

Now Krevlorneswath of the Death Wok Clan is licking my arm. Cats are excellent. And nearly-finished movies are too. And it is a good thing to have a brilliant Sophomore in college already knowing that he is doing three plays this year there. And I should just be proud of him, not complain.

But I am hollow. Like a lot of middleaged mothers are, this time of year.

Sigh. God bless us, every one.

Last Week of Post ... I Think... Maybe...

In the sound mix today at Bad Animals. A very intense last week with Larry and me needing to be in three studios at the same time. I was completely and joyfully satisfied with the music in every way, I just love it. I loved watching B.C. record the music with members of the Seattle Symphony, and then mixing it. Very very happy with all things involving music. There are other things that are completely upsetting and worrisome, that I can't talk about. But let us just say that I swallow hard many times a day to avoid letting my emotions show. Larry is kind of holding me together now and then.

He keeps saying "this is the FESTIVAL submission." Implying that there will be another chance. Well, but will there be any more money for another chance past Friday?

Yet undetermined. I am sweating bullets and not sleeping much. Eating too much like I do in stressful times. Tender at home and susceptible to any...irritations, let us say.

Saturday morning I bopped over to PAX to watch the "JourneyQuest" screening and then zipped back to the studio, courtesy of Larry-the-occasional-taxi-driver.

Color correcting, doing ADR, mixing sound, and praying constantly not to blow it on what may be my last chance at this after so many years. Looking up at the actors on the screens in the studios with grateful love. Thanking God to have Larry here beside me, who is doing his level best to calm me the HECK down several times a day. And to have so many artists doing such fine work at Modern Digital, Bad Animals, and Studio X.

Quote from the New Zealand Prayer Book: "Lord, it is night after a long day. What has been done has been done. What has not been done has not been done. Let it be."

Wise words. So hard to live into. Doing my best.

Dear God, thank you for this opportunity. Please help me not to blow it. Thank you for sending your angels to save us from bad mistakes.

We didn't get in.

They did not write or call of course; my wonderful First A.D. said "check the website" finally today.

So . . . setting our sites for Sundance *enormous gulp* where they like the movies very "edgy" . . .

Tough day. Off to L.A. in an hour to go do ADR with three of the actors. Will be there three days.

I know there is a plan . . .

Still have not heard from Toronto . . .

.......

Prayers for Completion

It's been many moons . . .

I am utterly buried in the endgame of "Camilla Dickinson: post-production, while also finishing up the "Dark Horse" deliverables, and, as of this writing, Ben and the ZOE/DG team are in Indianapolis selling lots of "JourneyQuest" DvDs at Gen Con:)

Lots going on!

I do believe that my great new editor Nathan Singleton and I finally finished the Making Of the Dark Horse featurettes today, which gives everyone a huge sigh of relief, as the distributor has been waiting for them. Larry and I just got back from L.A. where we did the ADR for Camilla's voiceovers (Adelaide Clemens knocked them out of the park) and met with B.C. Smith, our composer, for a spotting session (he is a genius!!), as well as having lunch with Sean Gaffney on the WB lot, always a great pleasure. Larry and I did a great many miles of sunny freeway driving, but playing the Talking Heads on the Ipod helped us to boogie.

Larry and I are going back down next week for the multi-cast-member looping session for several days of work.

I am also proofing the special effects shots that Modern Digital and North By Northwest are doing, and so far they look amazing thank God! And yesterday we were in the studio at Bad Animals mixing in the narration - Larry said he liked it very much. PHEW!

In addition there are many parties right now, as it is birthday season for our family and heartfriends: Mom and Aunt Jocey the 4th, Elizabeth the 6th, Theo's Happy Adoption Day the 7th, Sky the 9th, Terry the 11th, and me the 18th. Phew! Terry and Scott and Pam and I just got done with a remarkable Kindlingsfest with Dick Staub, Michael Card, Jerry Root, Jeff Keus, Karin Stephens, Eric Metaxis, and of course the usual other suspects Nigel Goodwin, Jeff Johnson, and a host of happy veterans.

I am on tenterhooks to hear from the Toronto International Film Festival - they were supposed to tell us today . . . that is why we are nearly killing ourselves trying to finish on time to be able to screen there in September. If they don't take us we wait and submit a completed movie in September to Sundance with many prayers.

I have not written because I have been buried at various studios in various towns, but I wanted to request your prayers and good thoughts please, as we are in the final push now, and it is very stressful and tense. If the timing is not exactly right in the interlacing of the work of the various studios we are kind of sunk. I am having the usual tiredness and etc., so .. yeah.

Larry Estes is a rock, a joy, and a constant and uplifting blessing to me. I could not ask for a better business partner. Please pray for his sanity because he has to work with me *grin*, also that he can figure out how to interweave his various lives - his "day job" as a college professor ostensibly begins soon . . .

It is a joy to see our dreams coming true. And it is costly as everything is. And there are challenges and things thrown up in the road before us. But I have faith, especially when Larry tells me to. Praying to make the movie that God wants, and that Madeleine would have wanted, as I have prayed for years. Praying to be worthy of the task.

Hitting the fan

We have major issues right now, with two locations and with one actor, and I went to bed near tears and woke up whiffly and wobbly. I am toxic-ed and hurting and fighting the physical and spiritual dragons. If only I had my horse and lance and armor here in Spokane!

During JourneyQuest, and during every other show I have done in Seattle, I came home to Terry almost every night, and so I was stronger. I feel a bit exposed here, despite the joy of seeing my dream made reality, despite the INCREDIBLE crew that I already adore, and the perfect cast straight from God.

Terry just said to me on the phone that I am the strongest person he knows and that I can do this. I love him so much.

I guess this is like the dress rehearsal that goes very very wrong to make a great opening night . . . right?

Clinging to Madeleine's words that nobody in the Bible was qualified to do the job God called them to . . .