One more night...

They can't let her go yet because her BP is so low. An xray later today will tell us more about the remaining fluid. Doctor Lee cheerfully raised the spectre of a tumor, bless his little pulmonologist heart. We won't know till Tuesday when the labs are back. He also said he often has to do multiple thorocentesis procedures sometimes if the lab results are not definitive. Oh goody.

Mom is being heroic: sweet and compliant and grateful with only an occasional flare of eye-twinkling rebellion ("yes I can too eat chocolate! They don't mention it on that dumb heart diet!")

We are both exhausted. Being woken up whenever you finally achieve a dreamstate is ... Special. I don't know what to do about the fact that she is insisting I go home this evening. There are so many little helpful things I can do if I am present, and three or four times I have been able to know her medication story when others have been unsure. I think I might need to stay, am not deciding till nightfall. And yes, before I get emails, I DO know my health is also important;)

I find myself getting very angry when people use euphemisms like "End of Life Issues". I remember Madeleine hated the euphemism "Passed Away". She would strongly correct folks and say, "No, Hugh DIED."

We both know that this will very likely be Mom's final illness, we are just fighting for more years, hopefully multiple. She was philosophical when the nice chaplain visited, saying "There are way too many people, the planet is overpopulated and getting worse."

Well, sure, but this is HER, my sweet Mommie. Not a statistic. And yes, she is 84; fair enough.

It still sucks.